I’m one of people who have a really horrid tendency to hold grudges forever and ever. For example: in year 1 a girl came up to me, in her black bomber jacket (you know the long ones that look like sleeping bags?) and dropped a brick on my thumb; purposefully. I, as most young girls would, screamed until she ran away and then was sent home with a missing thumb nail on my left hand. I distinctly remember the red and blue veins that were all on show and that nasty sharp, almost metallic, pain that shot up through my arm whenever it came into contact with something. I know for a fact, that if I ever see that damn girls face again I’d bitch and bitch and bitch until she noticed me and I got my vengeance.
Prime example number two: pretty sure it was still year 1, or even reception but it was a different school and the whole class was sat in a circle just before hometime. There was this damn girl giving me the evil eye, sitting right next to me and she kicked me. I obviously kicked her back harder and the girl started crying. Who got the blame? Guess who. Stupid white girl always copying my bunchies at school. Can;t beat a cute chinese girl with bunchies; jealous cow.
Darcie and Bobbie. Don’t think I’ve forgotten you.
My question is; are grudges acceptable? If someone does something to you and it’s something that particularly annoys you, do you then continue life and pretend they’re non-existent? Or do you make the effort with them and tell them they’ve misjudged you and rekindle something, if anything?
I’m in a particularly uncomfortable situation at the moment, one that has been present for over two years now and by the looks of things, will continue to be a problem in the future. They have been rude, selfish, unnecessary and downright unfair towards me. Belittling me, looking down their nose at me and yes, we’ve been playing the ‘I know you’re there but I’m going to give you a filthy look and pretend you don’t exist’ game – both of us I’ll admit. However, they’re of an older generation to me, not much and so I said to myself, “Savannah, just make an effort. Smile, be polite and stop imagining all the lovely ways you’re planning on killing them.” I tried. I tried several times and yet my attempts are met with vicious looks, metaphorical daggers and another gamee: “he’s mine”. If you knew the situation this’d make a whole lot more sense but the way things are going on, I feel this grudge gaining more and more power and I fear that not even a simple conversation will ever be redeemed. This poses problems beyond numerical distinction and I just don’t know what to do.
Lost. Totally and utterly out of my depth here.