23rd July 2013.

It’s kind of funny being woken up by all this doom and gloom crap when almost every morning, for the past two weeks, I’ve been disturbed from my slumber by the glorious rays of the fireball in the sky.

I genuinely thought it was about 2 in the morning and I was about to start cussing. I can’t deal with a crap sleep. All that stopping and starting and then just when you feel yourself slipping soundly away into a deep unknown; everyone else is up and awake and it’s just too noisy.

Not saying I have been sleeping great thanks to the heat. I can’t remember the last time I slept underneath the covers actually! I’ve been atop the duvet with a thin blanket and only my birthday suit on and even then I’m still too hot. I hate my legs touching skin to skin when I’m sleeping; just feels weird?

I remember back in the day I’d go through a 400 page book in a day.

Now I struggle to read 30 pages in a day and I find myself constantly having to renew books.

It’s almost embarrassing?

I know what the main reason is though. Throughout my childhood I wasn’t one of the privileged kids blessed with money and so the TV had five channels and I could only dream of having my very own laptop. The library was my sanctuary where I could book a computer and browse the web like any other kid. I was a huge bookworm which was encouraged by my year 6 teacher who was always showing me new books and lending me some from his own personal library.

Kids that don’t always come from a well-off background are often the centre of humiliation and embarrassment within school. So of course, like many, I had this front where I just ‘didn’t care’ about what anyone said to me and I became a proper tom boy with a potty mouth and a love for sports.

This persona held out for a couple of years but I didn’t really like the nasty loafers I made mum buy me to hold onto this front. I didn’t always want to wear trousers regardless of what I told everyone and so I started using my best friend and my diary as my outlet and I begun to let my emotions show.

It’s sad to think that so many hide who they truly are due to stereotypes, cliches and fear.

Since then I’ve learned to turn a blind eye at what people think. I was introduced to the middle class living and voila freeview tv, netflix, laptop and a job (Y).

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t forgotten what I went through as a child and I still recognise that how I grew up played a large part in who I am today

Blimey. Talk about emotional ey!

2013-07-15 13.07.49

xxx

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